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I do want to get my shit together. I feel stuck and paralyzed. I feel like my body is not helping me and this world is just so heavy. i even tried to start writing this on paper twice and couldn't, i am unable to start anything or do. I do not know why is everything is going like this. I feel like every time i try to fix something, another thing is collapsing. yet there's still hope and light inside me telling me something beautiful is about to come, i feel like life is going to turn so happy and beautiful even more than i imagine today. Yet, one only news i read on this stupid social media is capable of ruining all my tries to be optimistic. I feel like i am cursed with wars, whenever i want to live and dream, a single news about a world war or any fucking potential war is about to end this hilarious world. I want to stop caring but I can not, i feel so involved in this like it is personally me who is being attacked by all these middle east war news and even in the right propaganda in europe. I feel even bored to waste my life caring about this bullshit crap of politicians. I believe we humans, do not need to hate each other and fight, its only those who benefit from this who would actually bring these stupid ideas. but why should the poor always be so easily fooled? and how forgiving can we be? are humans really evil after all? it is so sad to watch how little humans are using their minds today with all this advanced science and technologies and all this crap. I know history just keeps repeating itself and this fkn world is just basically iterating but still i do wanna live like people on the other side of this world, i wanna worry about the silly stupid things. I want to be able to dream, i wanna have dreams without wars and politics destroying them.
I am still doing my best, i am still trying everyday, trying to do my best and to keep going. The thing is I can not recall when this all started, did it start on 2023 when my traumas came back? or was it always like this and i just had a wakeup call? or is it just life in 20s? this is all so weird.
I don't understand people who still think of having children, this world is really not an inevitable place. I personally would not wanna come here to be honest. But maybe people on the other edge of this globe, who are still capable of dreaming, feel otherwise, i might sound pessimistic to them.
Is it August 2026 already? ugh