Happy happy days

Dear Layl,
Today I had an important day, I worked very hard for this day and spent long days and nights preparing. Unfortunately, I do not think went out so well as I imagined. Maybe I should stop imagining things and even waiting things, they say you should do what u can and never think of the results or how things turn out. Maybe they are right.
I have many philosophical questions about our entire existence and the purpose of this life. It is indeed hard to find answers.
If this is a lesson for me to learn, I would say this is a harsh one. I need so much faith in myself and so much power to be able to grab myself again after all these 2 miserable years. After all this emptiness and after the absolute NOTHING of all my running and hard work. It is really strange how we keep trying even when we never won. Maybe winning is not that worth it after all?
I might be very pessimistic today, but this is how is it in todays world. I think I am even doing well and I could be considered strong and hopeful for some, at least I still do have my dreams. But sometimes I ask myself, would I be happier if i drop all those "dreams"?

-Next time will be better, promise
xo